Let’s Talk About Imposter Syndrome

Hello, I hope you are well.

Today, I would like to talk about this properly. I have two posts titled ‘Imposter Syndrome’ and ‘Inferiority Complex’ respectively. These posts were basically me rambling on about how I feel like I don’t belong for various reasons and how maybe a layer of naivety kept it at bay.

A little while ago I was trying to write a lifelog. And as I was writing it, I found I was talking a lot about imposter syndrome, and how I felt about it. And the gist of it came to this: I feel like I don’t belong in the writing community, but not because of my writing, because of my lack of life experience.

And I wanted to talk about that.

Whenever I have watched videos or read articles about imposter syndrome and how to get over it, they always sound the same to me. ‘your writing is worth putting in the effort. If you are writing a story that you want to read at least one other person wants to read it too, so don’t give up!’

I know my stories are worth writing. That’s why I’m doing it. I know I might not be as good as someone else who’s been at this for years, but I’m willing to try and learn.

I get my imposter syndrome from the fact that I haven’t done much with my writing other than write, and read. Some of the first writing advice I think most people get is to just write. And I certainly do that.

But I feel like I’m not good enough, or am not good enough yet because I’ve just been sitting in my room at my desk, typing away on my keyboard or scribbling away in a notebook. By myself.

Up until last year, when I first participated in NaNoWriMo, I hadn’t participated in write-ins. I’ve still never participated in a writing retreat(not that I would want to right now, but the point is still there).

I also haven’t done much research in terms of YouTubers, bloggers, podcasts, or books on writing craft. I have a handful of people who I really like and I think are really good with what they do, but not much beyond that. And I do think that I should be trying to branch out and learn from different people.

At the time of writing this, I am 22 years old. I have been writing with the intention of making this my career for almost three years now.

I understand that my lack of experience and thinking of my belonging here has so much to do with my age and lack of experience because of my age, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling this way.

This was such a difficult post for me to write because I’m not sure if anyone else feels like I do. I know imposter syndrome is a thing, but do other people feel like I do? Am I doing an accurate job of portraying how I feel for other people to understand? And I’m not sure I know.

Unlike with the ‘usual’ types of imposter syndrome that I see, where the answer is, ‘just write. Don’t care about what anyone else says, what you do has worth!’, the answer to mine is to live. To continue to live, and try, and fail, and experiment, and read.

It’s more difficult because it’s not something that can be fixed with a book on craft. It’s so difficult because I, like a lot of people, want to be able to fix or work on my shortcomings as soon as I can so I can be better. But the only answer is time. And maybe time isn’t what I have to overcome this.

Maybe in twenty years, I’m still going to feel like I don’t belong even after I’ve written and published many books.

I don’t know where my life is going to lead me. And I think part of my imposter syndrome comes from that fact. If I had more life experience now, maybe it wouldn’t be such a scary thought.

But I’m only a young adult, and the only thing I can do is live as best I can in an attempt to remedy this.

I’m sorry if you’re having the same issue as me, and you came here looking for a concrete answer on what to do about it. I don’t have much else for you other than you aren’t alone in thinking this.

Anyway, that’s all I have for you today. Do you ever suffer from imposter syndrome? How does it impact you? Is it about your writing, or something else, like me? I’d love to know if you’d like to share.

I hope you are having a wonderful day. And if it’s not a wonderful day, I do hope it gets better. Stay safe, and I will see you next time.

-T.R. Flynn.

Let’s Talk About Daily Journaling

Hello, I hope you are well.

I want to talk about journaling today. A little while ago, like at the beginning of the year, I watched a video by Kate Cavanaugh(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeQqXYAIkbI), and I would like to encourage you to watch it too if you have ten minutes to spare.

In this video she was talking about an experiment she did, nothing new for her if you are at all familiar, about journaling every day and things she learned while doing it. She brought a lot of points up that I agreed with, and I decided to give it a try myself.

I will be completely honest when I say that there were a couple of days that I didn’t write, but I do like to think I’ve been pretty consistent with it.

The first thing I noticed was that I wasn’t as stressed as I normally felt. I would journal on occasion before, but much like Kate, it was usually when I had a lot on my mind and that usually resulted in four pages of me ranting about everything and nothing. Instead of letting it all build up until I couldn’t keep it in any longer and then just spewing as much out as I could onto a page, I was getting a little out at a time. There were days that I ended up writing pages and pages as I tried to reason things out or explain my thoughts. But recently, I write maybe a page and a half every day. I go over what I did, how I’m feeling, and maybe some hopes for tomorrow.

It has gotten a little samey for me for a bit there. Because I wasn’t doing anything interesting it just seemed like I was saying I did this, I didn’t do this, I wish I could have done this but I just didn’t have the energy, hopefully, I can get this done tomorrow. And it did kinda get me down.

Same with at the beginning. I got it in my head that I should be writing at the end of the day like Kate was doing. But a lot of the time I don’t have the energy or the focus to do that before I want to go to bed. I found that if I write at some point during the day, it works for me. And the stress of trying to have something to write about and be interesting sort of melted away with that.

As much as I would love to be in the habit of “I’m doing this thing, at this hour, for this long”, it doesn’t really work for me. “I will do this at some point today”, works leagues better for me.

Something else I have found from my near-daily journaling, I have a tendency to disassociate. I didn’t even realize I was really doing it until I sat down and thought about what I did, what I was doing, etc. It certainly makes me more aware of myself and my surroundings. But I think it’s been helpful in teaching me that, and giving me at least ten minutes a day where I am present and I know that I’m present.

I think that Journaling has also taught me that perfection isn’t really a thing. As long as I’m getting something done, as long as I’m doing something and I’m trying, that’s enough. I can look back on my journals and compare where I was to where I am.

Something that I know I struggle with is comparing myself to others, not necessarily in a bad way, but more in an admirable way. ‘I want to be like them so I’m going to work hard and do what I can’ sort of mentality. So, if I’m going to compare myself to anyone, it’s really just teaching me to compare myself to my past self. Which I think is something we all could do to learn at some point in our lives.

And that’s all I think I have for you today. Do you journal? If so, how often? If you don’t, are you willing to give it a try? I’d love to know if you’d like to share.

I hope you are having a wonderful day. And if it’s not wonderful, I do hope it gets better. Stay safe, and I will see you next time.

-T.R. Flynn.

January 2020 Wrap Up

Is it just me or did this month go by really fast?

Maybe this is just how time works when you get older, and that’s why we can’t keep track of it and the events that have occurred.

But, that is a theory for another day. Today, we are here to see just how far I’ve come over these past thirty days(spoiler, not as far as I would like) and what needs to be worked on.

So, for starters, I got partially through WftGK edits. I’m still not sure if this rut is bred from boredom of the project, or if my passion for it has completely fizzled out. I’m hoping if I go slow with it while working on other things I want to get done this year that I will get it done, albeit much later than I had initially hoped to finish it.

I have started looking into writing contests, but so far I haven’t found anything that piques my interest or has a reasonable cut off date yet. I plan to keep looking though.

I ended up wanting to do two maps for ‘Side Quest’, and I have both rough drafts done. As well as a guide book for the entire Realm that I plan to use a lot. But I don’t have the finished products of them yet. I plan to be finishing them soon in February. But I really like making maps and creating lore and backstories for every place, even if it’s just a little line about this is what it’s called, how it got its name, and what the main thing about the place is. So, if you want to know how I did my maps, I’ll be more than happy to share that once I’m done. And I’ll throw pictures up on Twitter too.

I have actually read three books this month, and I’m really happy to be ahead like that.

In regards to project Death, as I’ve been calling it, I have most of the characters laid out. I have a fair amount left to add to their character profiles, but I’m pretty happy with how I’m doing it. I don’t have the entire story out of my head and ready to organize yet, but I got a fair amount through. I’m pretty happy with how much I managed to do.

I did not start RotDE at all this month. I got things in order for it, but I haven’t actually written anything yet. I’m hoping to start and get at least to the beginning of part two next month. I think that’s reasonable.

Now, in regard to the weekly posts, I’ve been putting up, the LifeLogs as I’ve been calling them. What do you think of them?

I’ve noticed I’ve been getting about the same amount of traffic, if not a little bit more since I’ve been posting them. I do plan on throwing in some of my more ‘regular’ content as I feel I’m qualified to speak about certain things or share my experiences. But I’d like to know if there’s a certain time table you’d prefer to see them on, i.e. once a month, once every three months, every other week, etc. I’d love to know if you wouldn’t mind sharing a comment.

I will say it has been really nice to not have to stress out so much about trying to figure out what to post every week. It’s just sitting down for a minute and thinking, what have I done? What have I learned? What is something I’m struggling with? What do I want to share?

But I still want to know what you think.

Anyway, that’s all I have for you right now. Let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see next week. Or anything you’d like me to discuss.

I hope you’re having a wonderful day, and if it’s not wonderful I hope it gets better. And I will see you next time.

-T.R. Flynn.